Not for the weak at heart

Marriage that is. Marriage is certainly not for the weak at heart.

You're probably thinking... Oh, you and Zach had your first fight. Or, you're beginning to feel the the faint and unending tug of daily, ceaseless chores... or buying groceries even. But nope, none of those. I am talking about the immediate logistical aftermath of marriage: the name change.

MY WORD!!! How many people in all of eternity have been married and had to go through this process? I mean, you'd think it'd be a little more user friendly by now. It's like they're trying to discouraging marriage.

Anyway, I did it. 10 hours, 3 DMV visits, 2 major headaches, 2 written tests, several doubts if Zach and I were actually married, and one interchange with a lady who I don't care to cross paths with again later, I now hold a California license.

So, this is how it all unfolded. Jolly and perky (well as perky as one can be when they are headed to the DMV), I packed my book and my snacks and I left the house at 6:20 to make it to the DMV by 6:30, as it opened at 7. I showed up and there were only 5 people ahead of me in line. I was like... OKAY... thanks everyone for warning me about how packed it always is but they obviously didn't have the upbringing of Becca Flowers for she would have probably even been disappointed that I only went 30 minutes early. Well, I proudly sat down on the communicable disease infested sidewalk, careful to not allow any of my skin to touch anything, whipped book number two of the Chronicles of Narnia series and got to work. 7 comes, 7:05... nothing. Hmm... oh well, maybe there was an emergency inside and it's delaying them a bit. Well, by this time other people had started lining up and then I caught wind of this place opening at 8! Thanks internet! 'Preciate your lies! Oh well, I'd probably just be reading at home anyways; not much of a difference if I do it here or there. Wishing I had brought a chair for the next hour, I was relieved when the doors finally opened. But man, you would have thought it was black friday at Walmart or something. People were nearly running in. I waited in line again to hand the lady my papers and explain to her what I'm here for. She looks at my marriage certificate and says

"Oh. I need your actual certificate."
"Hmm. That is my certificate"
"No, that is the one from the church."
"Oh, well that's odd. I didn't think I got one from the church. That is the one that I went to the probate court for and had to pay money to obtain it."
"Ok, well we usually don't take these but we'll see. Here's your number. G11"

I take my seat, wait another 2 and half hours, my number is called, and I eagerly head to the appropriate counter SO thankful that I only have to do this once.

"Can I see your papers."
"Sure" (hand the man at the counter my papers)
"Oh okay. I'm actually gonna need your real marriage certificate."
"That one is my real one."
"This one right here?"
"yes sir"
"No, this is just a copy. I need the actual document from the records department."
"I was told that when you get married, you get a license from the probate court. That is where I got this, I paid money for it (thinking in my head... it has a seal on it), the lady said all I'd need to do is show these two papers to anyone for a name change (implying: indication that it's the proper paperwork)..."
"Ok. well we'll see if we can take it. Oh, it appears you haven't been to the social security office yet?"
"no sir."
"Yeah, we can't help you. You'll have to come back."
"oh.... well, thank you anyway."

Wishing that someone just gave you pamphlet of this type of information after you got married, and mega frustrated, I headed over to the social security office. I walked in and it was like popcorn crammed into a bowl too small. You didn't know where one person ended and the other started. If you got up to throw something away, your seat was taken within the second. It was crazy. But the next thing I noticed was that there was just a giant area to sit in and then bank teller like stations. No one to check in with. And the bank tellers were only calling people's names out, so something wasn't adding up. I walked up to a lady, "excuse me ma'am, can you tell me where I check in." Apparently, there was a kiosk around the way and in a corner. Again, the lack of user friendly vibe these places have is astonishing.

 As you may have guessed, after I had waited and given the man my papers, he looked at me and said "Do you have your REAL marriage license?" Oh mylanta, I was about to lose my mind. Thankfully, he sent me to another man who helped me out lickety split. But in the meantime, I was texting Zach all that had happened. He was like, well what are you gonna do? I'm like, I don't know, cause I don't even really know if we're married or not. California certainly doesn't seem to think so. After it was straightened out though, I found out that it takes the new social a day to process which meant I couldn't go to the DMV that day and knock it all out in one full stroke.

The weekend came and I had a few days of regrouping and mustering up the courage to go yet again. I learned from my earlier mistake and only headed out to the DMV by 7 oclock... I was little further in line but in the end, I thought, it was all going to come out in the wash anyway. (p.s. By this time, I was on my last book of the seven book series... if that tells you how much waiting took place). The doors opened at 8 and I headed in to the first counter where you get checked in and handed a number. After this you sit down in the waiting area until your number is called and then thats when things actually start rolling. So, I'm at the front counter and I tell the lady that I need a California license. She asks to see my papers.

"Ok, we don't accept these. We need your actual marriage license."
"That actually is my marriage license"
"No. This is just the souvenir copy. We need the one you get from the vital records department."
I give her a very puzzled look.
"Vital records. They are the ones that give you your actual license. You need to call them and order one from there."
"Oh, okay. I'm just really confused because in Georgia I thought you get it from the probate court. Because this is the one I got from the court and she said that this was all I needed for the name change process."
"No, not from there. Look, where do you go when you lose your birth certificate?"
"Ummm... I'm not entirely.."
"It's the vital records!"
"Ok. I've never lost my birth certificate so I'm not really sure."
"Well, it is! Am I right?"
(thinking... you know, I actually still haven't lost my birth certificate, so..) "Ma'am I'm not sure."
"Well, thats where we need it from."
"Okay, well I'm just a little confused because I was in here on Thursday and they gave me a number and I went to..."
"They gave you a NUMBER? They let you through with this!?!?? With this document?!?! We were going to accept THIS right here?" (holding the license)
"Well, that's what I gave the lady beside you on Thursday and then I sat and waited then walked to clerk number 13 and.."'
"No! 'We were going to accept THIS document' is the question that I am asking!"
"I am in the process of answering that question... so, I went to clerk 13 and he said that yall don't normally take that type of license but he'd see what he could do. Then he put me in the system but saw I needed to do my social first so sent me away."
"So YES! YES is the answer to the question I was asking."
"MA'AM, I cannot give you an honest yes or no because I am not that man. I cannot tell you if he was or was not going to accept it. The best I can do is tell you the circumstances which surrounded the situation and then you and I can make the best assumption. And that is what I did, I told you the circumstances."
"Well, I'm not sure how that happened because we don't take these."
"Alright, well I'm still baffled because they took this at the social security place."
"Well, why didn't you get your license there?"
(utterly confused and thinking to myself: You're kidding me, I didn't have to come back here. Seriously, why don't people advertise these things better) but all I did was make a confused face.
"because you can't. Because we're TWO different offices that take TWO different paperwork and I'm TELLING you that we don't take this."

Oh, I was a swirling tornado of anger if there's ever been one. It's not that they can't take it, but the lack of help that was offered and the putrid attitude her words were dipped in.

So, I marched out of the office, called the probate court only to find out that they ARE the court that also does birth certificates (ergo, are the proper licensure office), and then called my mom to vent/ get a pep talk/ get some of the ga lovin' I certainly didn't receive in that office. Then I got right back in line and was given another clerk who let me right on in. However, because of all of this debacle, I was given the number G56. (Oh, and they go by alphabet as well as number).

Yeah, it ended up quite the all day plus affair! I'm still recovering.